Does she remember?

Today, I turn 59.

Birthdays have always carried a weight of reflection for me, a quiet moment to acknowledge another year gone, another chapter written. But there is always a shadow, a quiet space in my heart where a question lingers—does she remember?

It has been 25 years since my mother and I last spoke. A quarter of a century. An entire lifetime of missed moments. I wonder if she knows what today is. If she thinks of me. If her heart tugs the way mine does, aching for something that once was, something that perhaps could never be again.

I think of all that has passed between us, and all that has never had the chance to be. The countless birthdays she has not called, the milestones she has not witnessed, the quiet victories and the tears shed in silence. Does she wonder who I have become? Would she be proud of the woman I am today?

I’d like to think she would.

Despite the years of silence, despite the unspoken words and the untold stories, I am still her daughter. She gave me life, and for that, I am endlessly grateful. That fact alone is unshakable, unchangeable. I exist because of her.

Time has softened the sharp edges of the past. I no longer seek explanations or justifications. I have learned that some things will never make sense, that some wounds never fully heal, only become easier to carry. Perhaps we were meant to walk separate paths, each of us learning something in the distance between us.

Still, I wonder.

I wonder if she ever imagines what my laughter sounds like now. If she would see the fire in my spirit and recognize a part of herself in me. If, in the quiet moments, her heart calls out for mine the way mine still whispers for hers.

Wherever she is today, whatever she is doing, I send her love. I send her gratitude. And I send her the wish that, even in our distance, she knows—I have carried her with me, always.

Would she be proud? I hope so.

But even if I never know, I stand here today, on my 59th birthday, knowing that I am proud of myself. And maybe, just maybe, that is enough.

These are my feelings. You may have all of them, some of them or none of them…